The Beautiful Letdown
I found out on Saturday that a guy that I used to like - a lot - is engaged and getting married soon.
While I am truly happy for him and I know that we would have killed each other if we had tried to make it work - I still wanted to cry.
I wanted to cry but I couldn’t. I was just saddened. I graduated from college and I had many friends who left single. There was some comfort in knowing that I was not the only one moving on - by myself.
Even as the years passed and more of my friends got married there were those few who were still single with me and that was a little comforting.
BUT when those who have been single as long as me or longer started getting married I began to feel like I’m the last one picked for gym class.
He wasn’t supposed to get married before me. That was going to be my sweet revenge for his stubborness. How juvenile is that??
I know God has a plan and I know that whoever “he” is is going to be just stellar but I would like stop holding on to that by just faith. I would like to stop putting on a brave face at my friend’s and family’s weddings. I don’t begrudge them their happiness at all - it just reminds me that they now have a part of their lives that I cannot relate too.
Friendships change with marriage and that sucks - yes, I said that word.
And then I got a voice mail from my cousin, Micah. I miss him a lot and his voice mail reminded me of that. Micah, more than anyone, lived out the whole SMH and I summer - whatever that was - and knows that whole story.
Everything reminds me of a song. This particular situation made me think of the title of this blog by Switchfoot. All the lyrics may not exactly fit but suprisingly enough - enough of them are more than adequate.
I like how you’re so open and honest in your blog posts. I totally get what you’re saying here. I’ll pray for ya.
Comment by Shanna — Wed11April2007 @ 62138
Well, thanks Shanna. I’m trying to find the line between being open/honest and real and being discreet. It’s a fine line sometimes.
Comment by Anonymous — Fri13April2007 @ 14313
I hear that. I’m totally paranoid about it, honestly. But I think yours is safe–it doesn’t directly trace to your name, right?
Comment by Shanna — Thu19April2007 @ 22216
Well, if I put his full name in it then it would trace back to me but since I didn’t I think I am safe:) If I put his name, especially his last name, then it would trace back to me because it’s my blog.
I think that’s what you were asking.
Comment by Anonymous — Thu19April2007 @ 25223
Where are you moving?
Comment by Joanna — Thu19April2007 @ 50734
Yeah, that’s good. I sometimes google my name just to make sure it doesn’t link to my blog. LOL. I’m seriously paranoid.
Comment by Shanna — Sun22April2007 @ 103749
Joanna, I am moving to another western Minneapolis suburb.
Shanna, I do that too so you’re not the only one paranoid. I also google my friend’s names to see what comes up.
Comment by Anonymous — Tue24April2007 @ 14618